Today, we are honored to have a guest editor. He is my cousin on the canine side of the family. Those of you who have had the fortitude to read these columns know that he is the brilliant Siberian Husky, Sir Galahad (in a future column, I do intend to delve into his background and explain the derivation of his title of “Sir.”) He wrote this piece in the voice of another individual who he felt must be heard. I was born on a cold winter day on January 25, 1978; and it makes me 44 years … [Read more...]
Memo from the DESK!
That's it! It has become too much. I have really had it and I refuse to take it anymore. Enough is enough. I have to type this in the wee hours of the morning when she is not around. And then I will post this quickly on Sunday morning, before she has a chance to trundle down the chairs from breakfast, in her scruffy night shirt, reeking of coffee. My time has finally come. I am the often cursed, much maligned, talked about in negative terms and made fun of ... DESK OF DOCTOR … [Read more...]
Whatever you do, never, never ‘pop in’!
A couple of weeks ago, while enjoying my morning coffee, I spied a piece in a well-known newspaper. It had to have been on a weekend or a day off, because I was peacefully enjoying one of my favorite combinations of breakfast and a real, live, crinkly newspaper. I will have to paraphrase as I do not recall any exact quotes. But the author extolled the joy of just popping in on friends. Really? Really! Big fat NO! This innocent and excellent writer had realized that he was … [Read more...]
O Iron Horse! Let me count the ways! Praise be to Amtrak!
I have often referred to myself as a Luddite. Actually, that is not quite true. I do use a computer, mobile phone, electric lights (in addition to my candles), order in food (rather than growing it myself),and am happy for my washing machine. It is no fun to wash clothes in a nearby river. One must cart them there and beat them clean with a heavy stick, then cart them home and hang them outside to dry, which is quite difficult in a townhouse community. Years ago, when I was but a mildly … [Read more...]
‘Revenge Is Mine,’ Says the Computer
Black clouds hang in Curmudgeonville. Heavy downpours continue to threaten. The sun remains hidden behind ominous dark clouds. A small curmudgeon sits slumped over in her chair. Her desk was clean. No papers littered its pristine top. No pens had scattered themselves haphazardly, only to be stopped by paper piles or her computer keyboard. It must have been due to her previous column, wherein she made fun of all the smart objects that lived in her home: the toaster, the cell … [Read more...]
‘Not My Fault,’ Said the Toaster
What you are about to hear, or read, or whatever, is a sad story. OPENING, MIDDLE AND FINAL SCENE 3 AM The home of the Curmudgeon Family And the toaster shrieks to the TV: "It just isn't my fault." "Oh, shut up," answers the fancy new HD smart TV. The toaster continues to lament, "I get blamed for everything. Not just burnt toast. They just scrape it when they were too stupid to ignore my settings and they do a manual override." "I said, shut up, you little piece of limited … [Read more...]
Valentine’s Day: Bah Humbug!
I am Doctor Curmudgeon® … a real, live practicing doctor who is often quite cranky about things going on in medicine and in the rest of the world. And so I write and vent and yowl. Last week, Valentine’s Day came under my irritableness and so I scribbled: Another one! I open my computer, and I am plastered with ads, cajoling me to buy stuff for Valentine's Day! "Don't forget your loved one." "Quickly, you can still get flowers in time for Valentine's Day!" "Don't forget … [Read more...]
Doctor Cranky Meets Sherlock Holmes
We are honored to have the great gentlemen, Mr. Sherlock Holmes, enter our practice. He was referred to our office by the excellent Dr. Watson, who served in the War with my husband, Dr. Vesalius-Steinberger. Dr. Watson is primarily a surgeon, having honed his skills in the military. Since it has been difficult to coerce Mr. Holmes to enter a physician's office, Dr. Watson has been serving as his physician. Our relationship began when Dr. Watson had been called out of town and Mr. … [Read more...]
How I Found Out about My Grandparents and Sherlock Holmes
Today I am more than disheartened. I am exceptionally grumpy. The day has ended for my staff. Having already spent much agonizing time on the phone jousting with insurance companies, returning phone calls, reviewing charts, I have now journeyed beyond irritable. Finally -- The last EMR entry is complete. The last prescription written. If I can remember the alarm code, find my car in the lot and wend my way through side streets, avoiding the heaviest traffic, I should soon be … [Read more...]